Is this thing on?

It’s been a little while… well, a year or two. What have I been up to you ask? Disclaimer: I’m very sarcastic in real life, so apologies in advance, I don’t mean to offend anyone, or myself.For starters, I have not written a line of code in the past year, up until last Monday, when I decided to restart my “love” of coding, and more importantly, design. After all, I did spend 4 years of my prime, studying graphic and web design. I truly enjoyed the time I spend laboring over pixels and code, picking color palettes that worked for certain projects, and hours wasted figuring out that I was missing a semi-colon — Thank GOD amazing developers from many companies, for modern code editors. You would think that spending four years pursuing a passion would lead to a wonderful career in the graphic design field. Well… I do have an amazing job, I’m not actively using my acquired skills for it, but they do trickle in here and there. It’s interesting to look at things like a designer, but then reality hits sometimes, it’s easier said than done.

Originally, I only intended on staying there a couple of months, then work my way into the field. But when an opportunity came that I could not decline, I took it upon myself to work my way up for the company I was employed by. With the new challenge ahead of me, I made the most of it and learned as much as I could about the processes I found myself working with. I was able to lead and manage an excellent group of individuals, who I honestly feel, I did not appreciate enough. Usually, when people get some control, it gets to their head. Well guess what, it hit me. I wouldn’t say that I was up there with my fellow leads, which to be quite frank, were abusive at times, but I did sometimes overlook a thing here and there. The processes were to the T, but I could have been better about how I came across to others. In my current position, I am working on becoming a better listener, and slowing down to appreciate others around me.

Something that I recently came to understand is that others are just like one’s self. We all have our issues, we are all humans with flaws. We all make mistakes. The beautiful thing about being human though is learning from our mistakes. I can’t fully understand everyone around me, and that used to bother me, I don’t know exactly why, but it did. Now I am aware that sometimes things are not always okay, or that we are not okay, but that’s okay. We just need to talk about things, share our concerns, our struggles, our emotions, with others.

Early in my youth, I felt that I was alone in my thoughts, that no one could possibly understand what I was feeling. The few friends I made (and fewer that I kept) always seemed to be more “in the moment” than I was. I always felt that I never fit in. Boy, this is really getting deep… Every time I would attempt to make a connection, I would retreat. Whether it be meeting a new person, finding work, making time for friends, I would always hesitate, find an excuse, or just find a way to make it less awkward for me. If I could avoid a conversation, or a phone call, I would. To this day, I still dread making phone calls, but I find it easy when I just take a deep breath and keep notes to know what my conversation with the other party will be about. I can’t really apply that to everything in life, well, maybe the breathing bit, but it would be awkward meeting someone and pulling out index cards.

The whole point of me talking about this is that I am ready to shed that part of me that is holding me back. I know what I’m capable of, and if I don’t know something, that’s okay. I just have to ask for help. Part of this initiative involves me “rebooting” my design work, and finding an outlet. Here’s the current plan: I intend on launching a new version of my framework: Gumdrop some time this summer, along with a refresh of my personal website. Part of that will also be my new blog, of which you are currently reading. I am also trying to experiment more with my designs, and have both a physical and digital journal for writing and drawings.

I will share things on my own terms and since I am not actively looking for work, will look for things that I find engaging and fun. I look forward to exploring more of the world and sharing my take on things here.

With that, all I have to say is:

Hello World!